so i read something yesterday that made me sick to my stomach. absolutely and completely sick.
i really wish that it wasn't bothering me and i wish that i could just turn around and forget about it but that's not what happening. i can't believe i'm at this place right now. it hurts me so much. it's been so long since i've felt this low but i can definitely say my heart hurts so much right now.
i've been going through everything over and over in my head. as much as i would like to turn back time a few months, i think i've gotten to a place now where i know this is what is meant to be. i'm trying more and more to believe everything happens for a reason and as much as this sucks, i've had so many positive signs in the past several weeks that only prove more that this is a good thing.
i mean. this is what life is about. learning lessons from the mistakes you make. or simply learning from experiences. and once you realize the lesson, learn it and compose yourself, you move on. no matter how much it hurts. because nothing good can come out of lingering on a bad situation or bad thoughts, or really anything negative in general.
a lot of good things have happened in the past several weeks. i've been doing a lot more music, have more free time, don't procrastinate as much on homework... the list goes on. but i think i've realized that for now i'm just gonna be single. i mean, if i meet someone i like, i'm not going to be against dating or whatever. but i'm going to actively pursue anything. i think. i really don't know though. i guess we'll just see what happens. this semester will be good. i can tell :)
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