trying to jump over hurdles.

basically the past few weeks have been hell. straight up.

i got an ear infection one week. the next week i was in class, got a stomach ache, went to the bathroom, blacked out on the way in, woke up ten minutes later on a toilet (arm IN the toilet water) face hurting, and threw up a minute later. then i later realized i had bruises all over my body: side of the face, forehead, ribs, & hip bone. not to mention, i didn't get into the major i applied for and i'm stressed out about my classes. and i've kinda lost touch with god. then there's the relationship troubles thrown in. stress with roommates. trying to keep my pig sty of a house clean, staying healthy. staying on top of homework, etc. i'm just really stressed. also, i think i have a slight eating disorder. i mean not really. but i'm lazy & don't work out, i have gained weight in a couple places i don't want to, i eat differently to try and balance that out. probably the worst idea ever but i'm trying so hard to balance living on my own and all the stress involved with that and i feel so alone without my family, especially my mom. i never really realized how dependent i was on my family until this year. oh & one more thing: money is stressing me out SOOOOOO much. I really really really really need a job. that's definitely stressing me out a TON. i want a job but i'm nervous that i won't be able to stay on top of everything i want & need to...

i feel like literally everything around me is working against me. very little seems to be going right and all i'm getting out of these situations is that: 1) i can't really on anyone for anything, they will let me down or piss me off; 2)if i become a person who talks to no one, i won't have to stress about getting upset over certain things; 3) i hate school and feel like i don't belong here; 4) everything is a let down in life; 5) i'm the only one who will ever do anything good for ME.

so what's the point.

all that's keeping me positive is some Taylor Swift, but there's some pretty freakin' depressing songs in her new album....

i'm just at a point where i have no idea what to do. i've become very emotional lately. sucks.

what i am supposed to do when every situation i encounter pushes me back 2 steps.

i don't seem to be moving forward. at all

mother f.

help.