It's been a great Christmas. I'm so blessed to have a family that loves me & to have parents who can provide me with so much. Its hard to imagine that our country is in desperate times & that people don't have jobs right now & can't even afford to live in a house. Yet, I am blessed to go to an expensive school, live in a nice house, travel to my grandma's, get amazing gifts, and simply do things that not that many people can do. God has blessed me and I am never grateful enough.

- can't stop thinking of this summer & how close I was to God. Malibu was the best experience of my life and brought me so close to what I never realized I didn't have. Being a Christian is so hard, and yet so simple at the same time. But I have clearly struggled with it way too much. The bible verse about 'being in the world but not of it' consistently pops up in my head and makes me realize how I just gave up on that. I mean, I'd like to say I tried, but I can't lie to myself. I mean I certainly haven't gone crazy like some people I know, but it doesn't make me better than anyone else if I'm still drinking or doing whatever is compromising the morals I've stood for and maintained my entire life. I never realized how close I was to a relationship until I really fell out of one. I've struggled my whole life with what I thought was the lack of a relationship, but in reality it was just building me up for recognizing the lack of.

All I can think of is the times I felt hopeless & alone, crying out for someone to answer my prayers. For God to answer my prayers. But I realize now it was all sort of a test. I would be such a different person without everything I've been through. So different I probably wouldn't even know myself. I've learned to cope with the situations I've been in, and its made me a stronger, more confident, more outgoing, and overall better person. God has brought me this far & I know that he's going to bring me through the rest, well I sincerely hope. All I need to do is try to find my summer love and regain my relationship. I've put everything before Him & that needs to change. No more relationship on the backburner.

Things are going to change.

John 3:16... Who wouldn't want to change?